[Klaus listens to the robot voice. He listens, and stays quiet in a way he isn't normally, because he's mostly thinking about how the robot voice sounds saying all that, especially after Chloe hangs the lampshade on it herself, and then his brain goes to his mom for a second and wow, he doesn't need that right now.
Would be nice to have his mom here, though. Nice and not nice. She deserves better, but then again, she always did.
Fuck, okay, we're not thinking about Mom, Jesus.
There's a long enough silence that, potentially, it'd be easy to assume Klaus has left somehow, the only proof that he hasn't being that the shot of the dark ceiling hasn't moved at all.]
No one's supposed to give a shit if I live or die.
[The sentence comes out almost resentful. Really, he does feel resentful, both because he never had anyone that really bothered to care what happens to him, and also because he doesn't want to deal with the idea that he might now.]
Back home. I got kidnapped and tortured for... Fuck, can't remember how long. Two days. Maybe three? No one noticed. I knew they wouldn't. And then I...
[...Nah, too much. This isn't a confessional or whatever. That's not the point of this story.]
The point is it doesn't actually matter. I already threw my life away, dying's just a formality. Worry about your friends.
[ ... There's something super unnerving about hearing something so close to your own words come out of someone else's mouth. Painful, even. Is this how everyone felt when she said to stop caring about her because she didn't matter anyway?
Ugh.
It's enough, apparently, to stop using signs for a second, to force her to use her voice when she's severely out of practice. It's scratchy and rough, chords still damaged from Max choking her with all her bear strength a few weeks back, and definitely rusty from lack of use. ]
Fuck you, Klaus. You — [ She swallows, cut off because fuck this hurts. ] You are my friend. Don't be a bitch about it.
[ That's about all she can manage, though, before she switches back to signs with the stupid robot voice she's already starting to hate. ]
Back home, I didn't matter to anyone either. But this isn't our homes and you don't get to decide who cares about you here.
[Elbows is all his Fluid sees, but it's easy to glean that Klaus is rubbing his eyes right now. There's a sigh, and Klaus immediately feels like an ass, not for the reason Chloe's mad, but because he's the one that switched away from text to begin with. It's dumb, but he focuses on that rather than anything she's saying. Should've figured she was using text for a reason.
It's too much, maybe. It's too much because caring about him has always been temporary. There's no changing that. The only one who had to stay was Ben, and that was only because his ghost was literally stuck with him. He couldn't leave if he wanted to. And he really wanted to, sometimes.
This is just gonna make the inevitable worse.]
What happened to your throat?
[Klaus is the one that said they should be more direct, but he's also very aware of his own hypocrisy already. He's made his peace with it. He's said enough about himself, he thinks.
[ If eyerolls could be heard, hers would be the equivalent of a lengthy scream. She pinches the brim of her nose for a moment, starting to wonder why she promised herself she would try the whole honesty thing more when most of the time just ended with this same exact headache with everyone.
All her friends are dicks. It is her curse for also being a dick, probably. Like attracts like or whatever. She drops her hands back down, pursing her lips, and wondering how well robots translate sarcasm. Hmm. ]
[His response is detached, nearly robotic enough in its own right.
They're back here again, and Klaus feels no more enriched than he did when he got annoyed enough to ask for honesty time. It always is easier said than done, isn't it? Klaus really just wanted to know if Chloe was... okay. And she's obviously not. And it's stupid because he doesn't know how to handle her telling him she cares, but he's apparently decided to care at some point, too.
He's just still Klaus, as they say.
He leans up to look at the screen finally, head just barely craned into view. His face is pale and sweaty, his eyelids heavy, but the look he gives Chloe's image is sharp,]
You know how your thing is, uh, dying a lot? Apparently.
Edited (I ONLY JUST NOW NOTICED I PUT A COMMA INSTEAD OF A PERIOD) 2019-09-09 20:48 (UTC)
[ A lot. Pffft. That's a matter of opinion here, buddy. It's —
Okay, yeah, it's a lot. A whole lot. Usually more than once is already considered a lot, probably.
She can't argue his choice in words and it makes her gaze drop for a moment, nodding quietly to answer the question. Most days, Chloe had never minded being flippant about the numerous deaths she's had, even if she doesn't delve into the exact details of it all much, but somehow right now it all feels like too much to joke about easily. There's too much death for even her own to feel casual in her head.
Looking back up, she shrugs her shoulders a little before responding. ]
Really would have liked a better talent, but beggars can't be choosers. Why?
cw: drug overdose references, suicidal inclinations
[Klaus was absolutely going somewhere with this, but between his disorientation and how much he's avoided trying to even... think about it, he's found himself, for once in his life, at a loss for words.
He leans his head back again, revisiting the thought in his head. Sometimes the best way to start is the simplest, right? That's what the therapists liked to say sometimes, when people in those stupid chair circles found themselves unable to articulate.
So.]
I think maybe I died. Before this time. I mean... before I got here.
[He's flirted with death so many times. Living without a home to return to isn't exactly the safest way to live, sure, but more than that. Letting people hurt him. Sometimes enjoying people hurting him. Overdosing time and again, waking up in the back of an ambulance, being on a first name basis with a few EMTs.
The moments he remembers before waking up in Deerington... were different. It didn't feel like he pulled back. And maybe that was just his mind's journey to Deerington, or however the fuck it works, but that nagging feeling in his head has stayed there.
It's back now, and the more he thinks about it, the more he starts to consider it could be true.]
That's about all that can go through her head for a moment as she stares at the feed, forehead creasing slightly at the words. She remembered Shinichi muttering similar worries to her at the rave in May, how Justine had opened up to her back in their first month in this town, how Adam had let it slip just a month ago — being the mouthy dead girl got a lot of these kinds of confessions, but it never gets easier. Never makes the pain from when her heart wants to tear in two for a moment feel any more dulled.
But she's at least learned to keep that upset off her face. She more looks like she's thinking of what to say than struggling on how to say it without coming across as upset. Having to comfort someone else when you're still processing your own possible death isn't something anyone needs. ]
It sucks. Especially when it's permanent. This place being the only option is a shit show for anyone.
[ She's not sure that that's comforting, but it's honest. She pauses, because there's only maybe a handful of people who know here, but... ]
[Great, cool, wonderful, Klaus got exactly what he wanted: a talk without all the bullshit. He's very glad he asked for it. He's really loving this.
Klaus curls up a little more with the Fluid, because letting Chloe just stare at some of his forehead and the ceiling is stupid probably, and he wants to see her right now. He rests the thing on his knees, the view of him tilted sideways, not really caring that his tank top is visibly rolled up his chest thanks to his body overheating itself.]
I dunno if mine's for good. I mean... it happened fast, and then poof, I'm in Maine. I haven't told Five about it.
[Part of him worries that it wouldn't matter to Five. He cares about stopping the apocalypse; if Klaus died in something completely unrelated, but the world went on, maybe that was acceptable.
After all, it's not like Five went back far enough to save Ben.
More importantly, though, Klaus watches Chloe's face, very aware of the fact that he only knows how to say stupid shit and never anything that matters. There's a chance Klaus might not be dead after all, but Chloe's talking like she knows it for a fact. That Deerington is her only option.
Not for the first time this conversation, Klaus wishes he were someone better.]
Too bad your ghost can't chill with mine, huh? 'Cause we're from different [waggling his fingers dismissively] universes and all.
cw for idk ig suicidal ideation? i never can figure out if that's the right thing for this :|
[ Oh hey, there he is. Chloe offers him a small smile once he's settled, like that somehow is gonna make this whole conversation way less fucking depressing. She remembers the days of 'I think' and 'I might be' prefacing her talking about being permanently gone — words that disappeared back in March with her fancy trip home for a hot second to get some confirmation. Somehow the not knowing had felt a lot worse, but she's not sure if that's the same for everyone.
She does know about keeping it private, though. That was a pretty big constant it felt like with everyone who died at home. Not telling family or friends or even romantic partners until they felt like they absolutely had to. Hell, she still hasn't told Keith, and he's easily one of the most important people to her in this shit hole town. So she's not one to lecture or anything, but... Mm. ]
I know you're probably not looking for advice, and I'm definitely not going to tell you what to do here, but [ Her hands still, lips pursing as she tries to think of how to phrase it without sounding like a pretentious asshole. ] He's going to find out. Eventually. Whether you want him to or not. You mostly have to decide if you want to figure out how to tell him yourself or if you want this place to do it for you. In my experience, that second option? Never ends great.
[ She still remembers how Shiro had curled up on himself after, or the look on Ashe's face in the middle of a dark theatre. They were images that would stick with her for a while.
There's a huff of a laugh though and she shrugs, gesturing around them. ]
At least we've got here, right? [ She scrunches her mouth, slouching back against her pillows a little more, which just makes all the faded puncture scars that show along her neck and chest more visible when her tank top stretches with the movement. At least. This place came with all its own bullshit, clearly. ] Some people keep talking about finding ways to give me the option to go to another universe. Escape another death.
[ She rolls her eyes over it though, which shows how much she thinks that'll actually come true. It's not in the cards for her to get lucky enough to not die without huge consequences.
There's a moment where the attempt at irritation fades a little, looking a little deeper in thought, and she figures since it's honesty hour,s he may as well roll with it. ]
People never ask me if I want to, though. I think they just kinda assume I want to keep living and that it'll bring me comfort to tell me there might be a way.
[The thought's crossed his mind, more often in relation to Klaus trying to keep his failed attempts at sobriety from Five. And is he even attempting anymore? It's not like Five hasn't seen him reaching for his pills before. Hell, he probably noticed some of Klaus' spoils stashed around the townhouse since he'd gone looting during the purge.
He has no reason to think Five would even care about that. But Five's his only family here. He doesn't have Ben hovering over his shoulder, invisible to anyone else, trying to tell him to stop whatever dumb shit he's doing. Or Diego, the only other one he really ran into more than once after he left home, who was the one who planted the idea of actually trying to quit for real in his head? Was he trying to keep it a secret from Five because no one else is here to keep secrets from?
Or maybe he was trying to trick Five into caring about it. Klaus doesn't really know why he does anything, honestly.]
Yeah. I guess.
[Noticing Chloe's scarring along her neck has Klaus absently picking at the ones on his shoulder, gnarled and more clearly defined from a lack of care when they were still fresh.]
I mean, my world was gonna end a few days after all that anyway. Unless someone figured out how to fix that in 48 hours, which seems like a real stretch.
[He's not gonna discount the thought that Five or someone else pulls it off entirely, but they've had a week and the only thing anyone's come up with is a random stranger's name without any real explanation attached to it.
Klaus fixes Chloe with a serious look, though. He doesn't seem too surprised by her admission. It doesn't sound unusual to him at all. But, you know, sometimes they really are a lot alike.]
What's your alternative, though? Stick in a deer-induced coma forever or just... watch everything move on from you back home? I have a pretty good source that says the second option fucking sucks.
cw for talk about animal death (nothing graphic) and murder via gun
[ Great. The world's ending. Cool. Who fucking cares? It feels like a lifetime ago that she'd said those words, that she'd stopped giving a shit about how to save the town, or Oregon, or the world or whatever else was going to be destroyed all because of her. Chloe reaches for her cigarettes, grabbing one and lighting it, and taking a deep drag. She blows the smoke out slowly in thought, before the cigarette is placed back between her lips so she can go back to signing quickly. ]
Maybe it sucks, but both are better options than trying to stay alive. [ She pauses, snorting, smoke coming out of her nose in the process of it. ] God that sounds so fucking lame and depressing.
Every time I died, someone rewound time and saved me. Except that it made the world get all fucked up and got it worse every time I came back. It made a storm that was going to wipe out my town. We could have let it, but then what? The next shit wipes out Oregon? Then the West Coast? Earth?
[ She pauses and takes another drag from the cigarette, going to flick the ashes onto the floor. ] Anyway, it was about maybe five minutes before it was going to hit that town that I realized I needed to go back and just get shot in that stupid bathroom to make it stop. Got confirmation here that the whole town was totally fine as long as I stay dead.
[Klaus is very attentive through Chloe's story, his face not really hinting at much of his reaction to it. Just listening carefully as the robot voice translates her signs.
When she finishes, there's a short pause, and then Klaus lets out a muffled laugh. And then more bursts out of him, as he ineffectually tries to wave it away like he can physically stop himself.]
Fuck— Sorry, I'm not— I'm not laughing at you, shit, it's just... I think I just made the connection about the butterfly effect thing.
The... apocalypse and all that shit is more my brother's story to tell. He came back from it to prevent it happening a week beforehand. That's about all I can drop on you about that.
[A pause, as he kind of lets out another small laugh, one that sounds much more... hapless than anything else.]
But, uh... I may have accidentally time traveled back to 1968, fought in a war for ten months, fell in love, watched him die, and then came back. At some point.
So that's... that. Figure maybe if I'm dead maybe I'll at least be able to see him again. S-Stupid, right?
[He trips over the word because he's started to laugh again, wiping at the sweat on his forehead, not a trace of amusement in his face.]
[ Chloe rolled her eyes at the laugh at first, though she hardly seems offended in the slightest. If anything, there's the slightest hint of amusement that he remembered her comment on the butterfly effect at all. Though she supposes that sort of thing stands out.
Still, the rest of his words get rid of any humor what-so-ever, though she can't stop her own dry, bitter chuckle from escaping out of her as her head falls back more into the pillow, hands coming up to rub at her face instead of signing for a moment. There's even the rough, scratchy sound of her voice as she mutters; ]
Jesus fucking Christ.
[ Maybe she hasn't gone that far back in time or traveled in a war or any of that. But falling in love and seeing the person you care about die, wanting to hold on to the idea of seeing them... Well.
She lets her hands drop again and shakes her head. ]
If it is, we're both idiots, I guess.
[ Because of course they have to have a stupid amount of random, heartbreaking bullshit in common. ]
I think that about Rachel a lot. I found her body in the junkyard we used to hangout in a couple days before I got here. If being dead means being with her, that's... not the worst thing in the universe. I think it's an okay thing to look forward to.
nbd just basically forgetting to do half my tags for a month
[Klaus lets out a long groan, the laughter apparently out of his system for now. His hands come down from his face, resting under his chin now.]
You'd think I'd know... something about how all this works. Like what any of the rules for this shit are. I'm supposedly the only actual "expert" on dead people back home, but I don't actually know anything.
[It's not even like he ever asked. Ben didn't seem like he knew all the ins and outs either, though. He just was, and Klaus didn't even particularly know the details. Just thinking about life after death made his skin crawl until he started hoping to see Dave.]
I mean... I've flatlined a few times. I never gave a shit before. It was stupid. I don't know what I was expecting to happen after. I don't know what I expect now that I would actually really like to know.
I don't think being an expert on dead people is the same as being an expert on what it's like to die.
[ She knew what it was like to die plenty and even she wasn't an expert. She couldn't claim to know anything and it made her furious most of the time when she thought about it. ]
I think it makes sense.
I dunno that I ever cared about what happened after, I just knew I wanted something different then... All this. Even if that different turned out to be nothing.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Would be nice to have his mom here, though. Nice and not nice. She deserves better, but then again, she always did.
Fuck, okay, we're not thinking about Mom, Jesus.
There's a long enough silence that, potentially, it'd be easy to assume Klaus has left somehow, the only proof that he hasn't being that the shot of the dark ceiling hasn't moved at all.]
No one's supposed to give a shit if I live or die.
[The sentence comes out almost resentful. Really, he does feel resentful, both because he never had anyone that really bothered to care what happens to him, and also because he doesn't want to deal with the idea that he might now.]
Back home. I got kidnapped and tortured for... Fuck, can't remember how long. Two days. Maybe three? No one noticed. I knew they wouldn't. And then I...
[...Nah, too much. This isn't a confessional or whatever. That's not the point of this story.]
The point is it doesn't actually matter. I already threw my life away, dying's just a formality. Worry about your friends.
no subject
Ugh.
It's enough, apparently, to stop using signs for a second, to force her to use her voice when she's severely out of practice. It's scratchy and rough, chords still damaged from Max choking her with all her bear strength a few weeks back, and definitely rusty from lack of use. ]
Fuck you, Klaus. You — [ She swallows, cut off because fuck this hurts. ] You are my friend. Don't be a bitch about it.
[ That's about all she can manage, though, before she switches back to signs with the stupid robot voice she's already starting to hate. ]
Back home, I didn't matter to anyone either. But this isn't our homes and you don't get to decide who cares about you here.
no subject
It's too much, maybe. It's too much because caring about him has always been temporary. There's no changing that. The only one who had to stay was Ben, and that was only because his ghost was literally stuck with him. He couldn't leave if he wanted to. And he really wanted to, sometimes.
This is just gonna make the inevitable worse.]
What happened to your throat?
[Klaus is the one that said they should be more direct, but he's also very aware of his own hypocrisy already. He's made his peace with it. He's said enough about himself, he thinks.
Fuck, his eyes are dry.]
no subject
All her friends are dicks. It is her curse for also being a dick, probably. Like attracts like or whatever. She drops her hands back down, pursing her lips, and wondering how well robots translate sarcasm. Hmm. ]
Someone ignored my safe word.
no subject
[His response is detached, nearly robotic enough in its own right.
They're back here again, and Klaus feels no more enriched than he did when he got annoyed enough to ask for honesty time. It always is easier said than done, isn't it? Klaus really just wanted to know if Chloe was... okay. And she's obviously not. And it's stupid because he doesn't know how to handle her telling him she cares, but he's apparently decided to care at some point, too.
He's just still Klaus, as they say.
He leans up to look at the screen finally, head just barely craned into view. His face is pale and sweaty, his eyelids heavy, but the look he gives Chloe's image is sharp,]
You know how your thing is, uh, dying a lot? Apparently.
no subject
Okay, yeah, it's a lot. A whole lot. Usually more than once is already considered a lot, probably.
She can't argue his choice in words and it makes her gaze drop for a moment, nodding quietly to answer the question. Most days, Chloe had never minded being flippant about the numerous deaths she's had, even if she doesn't delve into the exact details of it all much, but somehow right now it all feels like too much to joke about easily. There's too much death for even her own to feel casual in her head.
Looking back up, she shrugs her shoulders a little before responding. ]
Really would have liked a better talent, but beggars can't be choosers. Why?
cw: drug overdose references, suicidal inclinations
[Klaus was absolutely going somewhere with this, but between his disorientation and how much he's avoided trying to even... think about it, he's found himself, for once in his life, at a loss for words.
He leans his head back again, revisiting the thought in his head. Sometimes the best way to start is the simplest, right? That's what the therapists liked to say sometimes, when people in those stupid chair circles found themselves unable to articulate.
So.]
I think maybe I died. Before this time. I mean... before I got here.
[He's flirted with death so many times. Living without a home to return to isn't exactly the safest way to live, sure, but more than that. Letting people hurt him. Sometimes enjoying people hurting him. Overdosing time and again, waking up in the back of an ambulance, being on a first name basis with a few EMTs.
The moments he remembers before waking up in Deerington... were different. It didn't feel like he pulled back. And maybe that was just his mind's journey to Deerington, or however the fuck it works, but that nagging feeling in his head has stayed there.
It's back now, and the more he thinks about it, the more he starts to consider it could be true.]
no subject
That's about all that can go through her head for a moment as she stares at the feed, forehead creasing slightly at the words. She remembered Shinichi muttering similar worries to her at the rave in May, how Justine had opened up to her back in their first month in this town, how Adam had let it slip just a month ago — being the mouthy dead girl got a lot of these kinds of confessions, but it never gets easier. Never makes the pain from when her heart wants to tear in two for a moment feel any more dulled.
But she's at least learned to keep that upset off her face. She more looks like she's thinking of what to say than struggling on how to say it without coming across as upset. Having to comfort someone else when you're still processing your own possible death isn't something anyone needs. ]
It sucks. Especially when it's permanent. This place being the only option is a shit show for anyone.
[ She's not sure that that's comforting, but it's honest. She pauses, because there's only maybe a handful of people who know here, but... ]
The last time I died at home, it was for good.
no subject
Klaus curls up a little more with the Fluid, because letting Chloe just stare at some of his forehead and the ceiling is stupid probably, and he wants to see her right now. He rests the thing on his knees, the view of him tilted sideways, not really caring that his tank top is visibly rolled up his chest thanks to his body overheating itself.]
I dunno if mine's for good. I mean... it happened fast, and then poof, I'm in Maine. I haven't told Five about it.
[Part of him worries that it wouldn't matter to Five. He cares about stopping the apocalypse; if Klaus died in something completely unrelated, but the world went on, maybe that was acceptable.
After all, it's not like Five went back far enough to save Ben.
More importantly, though, Klaus watches Chloe's face, very aware of the fact that he only knows how to say stupid shit and never anything that matters. There's a chance Klaus might not be dead after all, but Chloe's talking like she knows it for a fact. That Deerington is her only option.
Not for the first time this conversation, Klaus wishes he were someone better.]
Too bad your ghost can't chill with mine, huh? 'Cause we're from different [waggling his fingers dismissively] universes and all.
cw for idk ig suicidal ideation? i never can figure out if that's the right thing for this :|
She does know about keeping it private, though. That was a pretty big constant it felt like with everyone who died at home. Not telling family or friends or even romantic partners until they felt like they absolutely had to. Hell, she still hasn't told Keith, and he's easily one of the most important people to her in this shit hole town. So she's not one to lecture or anything, but... Mm. ]
I know you're probably not looking for advice, and I'm definitely not going to tell you what to do here, but [ Her hands still, lips pursing as she tries to think of how to phrase it without sounding like a pretentious asshole. ] He's going to find out. Eventually. Whether you want him to or not. You mostly have to decide if you want to figure out how to tell him yourself or if you want this place to do it for you. In my experience, that second option? Never ends great.
[ She still remembers how Shiro had curled up on himself after, or the look on Ashe's face in the middle of a dark theatre. They were images that would stick with her for a while.
There's a huff of a laugh though and she shrugs, gesturing around them. ]
At least we've got here, right? [ She scrunches her mouth, slouching back against her pillows a little more, which just makes all the faded puncture scars that show along her neck and chest more visible when her tank top stretches with the movement. At least. This place came with all its own bullshit, clearly. ] Some people keep talking about finding ways to give me the option to go to another universe. Escape another death.
[ She rolls her eyes over it though, which shows how much she thinks that'll actually come true. It's not in the cards for her to get lucky enough to not die without huge consequences.
There's a moment where the attempt at irritation fades a little, looking a little deeper in thought, and she figures since it's honesty hour,s he may as well roll with it. ]
People never ask me if I want to, though. I think they just kinda assume I want to keep living and that it'll bring me comfort to tell me there might be a way.
no subject
He has no reason to think Five would even care about that. But Five's his only family here. He doesn't have Ben hovering over his shoulder, invisible to anyone else, trying to tell him to stop whatever dumb shit he's doing. Or Diego, the only other one he really ran into more than once after he left home, who was the one who planted the idea of actually trying to quit for real in his head? Was he trying to keep it a secret from Five because no one else is here to keep secrets from?
Or maybe he was trying to trick Five into caring about it. Klaus doesn't really know why he does anything, honestly.]
Yeah. I guess.
[Noticing Chloe's scarring along her neck has Klaus absently picking at the ones on his shoulder, gnarled and more clearly defined from a lack of care when they were still fresh.]
I mean, my world was gonna end a few days after all that anyway. Unless someone figured out how to fix that in 48 hours, which seems like a real stretch.
[He's not gonna discount the thought that Five or someone else pulls it off entirely, but they've had a week and the only thing anyone's come up with is a random stranger's name without any real explanation attached to it.
Klaus fixes Chloe with a serious look, though. He doesn't seem too surprised by her admission. It doesn't sound unusual to him at all. But, you know, sometimes they really are a lot alike.]
What's your alternative, though? Stick in a deer-induced coma forever or just... watch everything move on from you back home? I have a pretty good source that says the second option fucking sucks.
cw for talk about animal death (nothing graphic) and murder via gun
Maybe it sucks, but both are better options than trying to stay alive. [ She pauses, snorting, smoke coming out of her nose in the process of it. ] God that sounds so fucking lame and depressing.
Every time I died, someone rewound time and saved me. Except that it made the world get all fucked up and got it worse every time I came back. It made a storm that was going to wipe out my town. We could have let it, but then what? The next shit wipes out Oregon? Then the West Coast? Earth?
[ She pauses and takes another drag from the cigarette, going to flick the ashes onto the floor. ]
Anyway, it was about maybe five minutes before it was going to hit that town that I realized I needed to go back and just get shot in that stupid bathroom to make it stop. Got confirmation here that the whole town was totally fine as long as I stay dead.
So 48 hours is chump change.
cw war n death n i dont even know
When she finishes, there's a short pause, and then Klaus lets out a muffled laugh. And then more bursts out of him, as he ineffectually tries to wave it away like he can physically stop himself.]
Fuck— Sorry, I'm not— I'm not laughing at you, shit, it's just... I think I just made the connection about the butterfly effect thing.
The... apocalypse and all that shit is more my brother's story to tell. He came back from it to prevent it happening a week beforehand. That's about all I can drop on you about that.
[A pause, as he kind of lets out another small laugh, one that sounds much more... hapless than anything else.]
But, uh... I may have accidentally time traveled back to 1968, fought in a war for ten months, fell in love, watched him die, and then came back. At some point.
So that's... that. Figure maybe if I'm dead maybe I'll at least be able to see him again. S-Stupid, right?
[He trips over the word because he's started to laugh again, wiping at the sweat on his forehead, not a trace of amusement in his face.]
cw for murder???? i hate them
Still, the rest of his words get rid of any humor what-so-ever, though she can't stop her own dry, bitter chuckle from escaping out of her as her head falls back more into the pillow, hands coming up to rub at her face instead of signing for a moment. There's even the rough, scratchy sound of her voice as she mutters; ]
Jesus fucking Christ.
[ Maybe she hasn't gone that far back in time or traveled in a war or any of that. But falling in love and seeing the person you care about die, wanting to hold on to the idea of seeing them... Well.
She lets her hands drop again and shakes her head. ]
If it is, we're both idiots, I guess.
[ Because of course they have to have a stupid amount of random, heartbreaking bullshit in common. ]
I think that about Rachel a lot. I found her body in the junkyard we used to hangout in a couple days before I got here. If being dead means being with her, that's... not the worst thing in the universe. I think it's an okay thing to look forward to.
nbd just basically forgetting to do half my tags for a month
You'd think I'd know... something about how all this works. Like what any of the rules for this shit are. I'm supposedly the only actual "expert" on dead people back home, but I don't actually know anything.
[It's not even like he ever asked. Ben didn't seem like he knew all the ins and outs either, though. He just was, and Klaus didn't even particularly know the details. Just thinking about life after death made his skin crawl until he started hoping to see Dave.]
I mean... I've flatlined a few times. I never gave a shit before. It was stupid. I don't know what I was expecting to happen after. I don't know what I expect now that I would actually really like to know.
I dunno if that makes sense. Whatever.
same hat
[ She knew what it was like to die plenty and even she wasn't an expert. She couldn't claim to know anything and it made her furious most of the time when she thought about it. ]
I think it makes sense.
I dunno that I ever cared about what happened after, I just knew I wanted something different then... All this. Even if that different turned out to be nothing.